Following in the steps of Australia's own Sir Edmund Hillary

      

It would be fair to say my interest in mountain climbing was piqued in my formative university days. I made friends with a man who told me a tale. A tale of goals. A tale of hardship. A tale of pushing your body to the limits in adverse conditions. A tale of commitmment to a cause and seeing your ambition become a reailty. A tale of climbing. But unfortunately for our protaganist, a tale of eventual disappointment.

The story begins with our hero enjoying an evening at the onsite university public house. Casually nursing his discounted bundaberg rum with coke, he was perusing the available females with the following cirterion; a) are they attractive? and b) have I massively annoyed them on a previous outing to this club? Generally this would rule out (roughly) 90-95% of the population of the USQ club in Toowoomba. For our hero was not only the quickest draw in the west, but also even quicker about forgetting about his recent kill. Whilst many females dreamt of marriage with our lothario, he took the chance to sneak out before Tony Mackenize had the chance to beat the living sh1t out of him.

Despite the odds stacked against him, quick-draw mcgraw spotted his next target. Things went well. One thing lead. To another. It seemed the familiar story would pan out. Until the femme fatale produced a rabbit from atop her cranium-wear. 'Shall we climb a peak? It will be the most amazing of climaxes should we reach the top'

Taking this as a verbal contract, our hero agreed. And up the mountain they climbed. One by one the steps were produced. Our hero, not made out for sports, began to tire early-on. The promise of milk and honey however, was enough for our crusader to channel the spirit of Sir Ed and Tenzing Norgay on that fateful 1953 day, and carry on to the summit. Groans were heard, falls were plentiful, but the oppotunity of releasing this pent up aggression once atop carried our intrepid trekker to the top of the peak.

What followed is a travesty of human relationships. 'I hath completed your task, m'lady' came the man. 'So you have' was the softly spoken reply. ''tis time for my reward, is it not?' - 'but the reward is all around you, look at this view and the enchanting sunset.... my fair man, I have shown you the greatest beauty of all. 'No chance at all then?' came the response above the faint sounds of a zipper being redone....

And in one cruel, confidence-shattering shake of the head, our hero realised he had been, as they say, 'had'. With this, our hero let out an audible swear, before retreating to his home.

From this day, the sense of adventure has been passed on. My appetite whetted for a climb with the promise of glory at the end. Let us pray that mine ends up in better shape.